Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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