the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize