Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
