ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And then he peed in my hair
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
