now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
