Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize