I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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