One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you never un-have a 4some
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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