Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
