Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
