I CAN MOONWALK!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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