So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
