I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
