so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize