i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
