I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
