Just cropdusted the office
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
