I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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