he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize