3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
