Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize