Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
