I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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