haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
