Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
