Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
