i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
