Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
