I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
