yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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