dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
