dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
