I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
