I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
