i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
