the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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