It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
