You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
