im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have fence marks all over my body
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My bed smells like the plague
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
