If that was your dad, he is hot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
