Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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