I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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