make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
