Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
