The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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