Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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