Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
