Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
