I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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