I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
