Life is so much better after having sex.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
