I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
