all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
