I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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