How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I died a long time ago.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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