you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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