the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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