It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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