take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we're making bets on your personal life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
