I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
