totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We have started to decorate penises.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
