We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
