I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
