grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize