i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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