We're like a lot better than the average bears
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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