jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
