dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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