He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
