did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
