Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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