Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude. I can hear the air.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
