i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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