Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
