i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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