Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
