she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
