he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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