no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
