I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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