Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My life is pants optional.
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