i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
