Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
